I’ve been feeling a bit down the last couple of days but today I think I’ve finally put my finger on why...
From being a couple of weeks old, like most parents I’ve done my best to nurture a bond with my baby, Poppy.
For me that has meant I continue to breastfeed on demand and sort out all the daily obligations and challenges.
The breastfeeding bit, in particular, has made it very difficult to spend any time apart.
Like all new mums I’m totally in love with my new baby and adore watching her develop.
So by 6pm, when my husband comes home from work, why am I so desperate to pass the baby to him...and not sing ‘Incy Wincy Spider’ any more?
In the past five months I haven’t spent more than an hour away from Poppy and this isn’t me trying to be a martyr about things, that’s what I’ve chosen to do.
But I haven’t been interested in going out on my own or with my husband Rob.
We have two sets of very willing baby-sitters in the form of grandparents, having raised nine kids between them they are more than capable of looking after a baby for a couple of hours, so that hasn’t been the problem either.
But this week it’s just hit me...I need a bit of time for ME again.
Even just an hour during the week to go and sit and have a coffee and read the paper and talk to someone...and not about sleeping patterns or feeding regimes or when to start weaning.
And to get that incessant ‘Jumperoo’ song out of my head.
I guess the problem is that I feel guilty because I’ve spent five months doing exactly the opposite of that.
I feel like I’d be failing Poppy in some way.
Yet that’s ridiculous: I speak to other mums of babies the same age and younger who go to meet a friend for a drink or go for a meal with their partner and the thought that they are “bad” mums doesn’t even cross my mind.
Or is it that I’ve now firmly established my lifestyle choices and the choice to be away from Poppy doesn’t quite fit with that?
So where does that leave me?
Please, tell me about your mum/dad guilt.
How did you feel the first time you left your baby to go out alone or their first day at nursery or when you returned to work?
Contact me via my email address: firstname.lastname@example.org or my Twitter account @CescaNaylor.
Read Francesca’s previous blog - click the links below
July 18: The day my life changed forever.
July 25: Its scary but awesome being a mum.
July 31: It’s not easy.
August 7: Life on hold.