The heartache of going back to work for a new mum

When I finished work in January I was certain I would be back for numerous keep in touch days, terrified of missing out or getting out of touch. I work(ed) in marketing for a lingerie design company, things change quickly and I thought I would hate being out of the loop.

Then Poppy arrived and it was different.

I was in no rush to head to the office and take part in sell-in or sign off meetings, I was too caught up in baby-land to give it a second thought.

But I’ve worked so hard to get where I am career wise and studied for all my qualifications, I was sure I wasn’t a “stay at home mum”, that part of me would be desperate to get back to a professional environment, to adult conversation.

But no...

Spending time with Poppy, watching her grow and learn and change was more than fulfilling enough for me.

Kind of...

Why do I always want my cake and to eat it too?

I do miss a professional environment, adult conversation, using the skills and knowledge I’ve gained so far in my career.

And I’m lucky I’ve been offered a new role which is incredibly flexible and will allow me to spend minimum time away from Poppy. I know most mothers don’t have this luxury and I’m definitely not complaining.

I’m looking forward to having a few hours twice a week being Francesca, the adult again as well as Poppy’s mum singing the wheels on the bus and loading the washing machine seemingly endless times. I’m ready for the partial return of that part of my old life.

But I am a bit scared.

I’ve spent pretty much every second of the last seven and a half months with this little person and returning to work marks the end of our time together just me and Poppy.

My mum will do the majority of the childcare and apart from husband Rob and I there isn’t anyone who adores her more. I don’t even have the worry of a nursery or childminder. And yet I’m already panicking about mummy separation anxiety!

I’ve wrestled with ideas of getting into a strict routine now, guilt that I should have done things differently to make things easier for my mum - I.e. Persevere with bottle feeding, attempt some sort of nap/sleep routine.

But that will totally alter what Poppy has come to know, surely that would be more difficult for everyone?

I have total trust in my mum and I have confidence that Poppy will adapt well. Probably better than I will - tears in the car park is not the professional look I’m going for.

I’d love to know what you mums have done to help yourselves and your little ones with the transition back to work.

And please working mummies - assure me it gets easier?!