Breakfast time in the Freeman household can be a chaotic and drawn out affair. Up with the lark – and often before – I start the day with a slice of toast while brewing a cup of tea for myself and the lady of the house.
Some time later The Teenagers help themselves to cereals or whatever they fancy and let sleep slip from their souls in front of the TV or while chatting over Facebook or whatever social network is currently in vogue. In this they are reportedly no different from millions of others – young and old-enough-to-know-better.
Meanwhile mum busies herself with the chores, eating her breakfast on the run –sometimes literally – before heading off to slave for another day.
So it comes as no surprise to hear that most Britons now spend just three minutes eating breakfast.
I fear Janet and John images of families sitting round a dining table talking, opening the post and having life-enhancing conversations belong to another era.
Few of us have time for such luxuries. And in any case the post doesn’t arrive until late morning.
But I am glad to say that even in dysfunctional Freeman Towers none of us has, to my knowledge, yet resorted to eating breakfast in the bathroom as five per cent of the population apparently have.
I wonder what they are doing while eating the “most important meal of the day”. I have ruled out brushing their teeth on the basis that this would be pointless and probably impossible while chewing on a mouthful of cornflakes. Shaving would be troublesome and showering would make a terrible mess. This leaves but one comfortable and unhygienic alternative. Ugh.
In another revealing insight into the lives of ordinary folk – you know people like you and me- apparently the average family now decorates no fewer than three Christmas trees in their home. Why?
I’m all for seasonal spirit but I’m strictly a let’s-start-on-Christmas-Eve-and-it’s-all –over-by-December-27th sort of bloke.
Three trees dropping needles all over the floor or fairy light cables tripping me up? Humbug!
Counterpoint by Scott Freeman