Inspirational Derbyshire teen made ambassador for hospice which allowed him to have a ‘positive outlook on life’ after the death of his brother

Seventeen-year-old Harvey’s world was torn apart in June 2015 when, aged just 10, his older brother Ed died.

Following Ed’s death, Harvey, who lives with his family in Belper, became angry and isolated, getting into scrapes at school and having panic attacks.

His family found the support they needed through Risley-based Treetops Hospice, which provides counselling and emotional support to children, young people and adults who are dealing with bereavement or a life-limiting condition.

Harvey finished five years of bereavement counselling in 2020 and has continued to support Treetops since. He has now been made an ambassador for the charity and is keen to share his experience with other young people to help them understand more about counselling.

“I’ll never be able to fully give back what Treetops Hospice and the people here have done for me, so being made an ambassador is a massive honour,” he said.

“If I can reach out to just one person and they think ‘I’ll give counselling a go’ then that’s enough for me. That one person then becomes two people and that’s how it snowballs.

“I’ve not had a childhood since Ed’s death. I’ve had a life, but not a childhood. That was taken away from me.

“I was 10 when we lost Ed and so I was at an age where I understood that he was gone and not coming back but, at the same time, I wasn’t old enough and mature enough to get it. I kept thinking that they’d got the wrong person, that he was going to come through the door and have tea with us at any moment.

“Immediately after you lose the person, you’re no longer an innocent child. You have to grow up very quickly because everyone around you who is close to you, changes too.

“As I got older and hormones kicked in, I got angry. That was one of the ways in which it hit me. Sometimes it was the little things; you don’t want to go to a certain place or do a certain thing because it reminds you of a moment in time.

“People treat you differently and try to protect you, but what you really need is for life to continue as normally as it can.”

Looking back, Harvey says those early days following Ed’s death were a roller-coaster of emotions.

He said: “I used anger as I was afraid of crying and letting out my emotions. I thought ‘if I’m angry then I won’t be upset’, so any time I felt myself getting emotional, I’d go and find something to be angry at.

Harvey and his family were supported by Treetops Hospice.

“I’d never really heard of counselling, and I was worried,” he said, “but I remember going into the room, sitting down and being asked normal questions; things such as ‘how are you’, ‘what’s gone on’, and ‘how are you dealing with Ed’s death so far’.

“The room was brightly coloured and there were paintings on the walls and toys in the room. It wasn’t the bleak place I had imagined it to be.

“We’d make things like a sand jar; for every different bit of coloured sand, I would write down a memory of Ed in the same colour pen and attach it to the jar. I still have the sand jar at home. It didn’t have to be all good memories; it might be a bad memory and it’s important to remember that.”

Harvey felt he no longer needed counselling after a few months but then returned to Treetops Hospice as a teenager.

“At around the age of 13, everything started to take its toll,” he said. “I used to always love school. I was academically quite bright, but I fell out of love with it. I hated certain lessons, hated the idea of having to be in a classroom.

“At home, it was little things like arguing with my family… anything I could find to get annoyed with, I did.

“One of the things my counsellor told me early on was that I also had to help myself. If you’re not going to help yourself at home and put those coping mechanisms into practice, then the therapy isn’t going to work.”

He added: “It’s hard to admit that you’re struggling but I’ve said things to my counsellor that I would never say to my mum or dad. I am really close to both of my parents but there is still stuff that I wouldn’t talk to them about; I don’t want to worry them.”

Harvey says that he realised he no longer needed support when his close friend, Billy, died after a lengthy battle with cancer.

“A few years after I lost my brother, I lost one of my best friends,” he said.

“Billy’s death taught me so much in a way. He was battling cancer for years, but always had a smile on his face. He told me that this stuff gets thrown at you in life, but the world keeps on turning and you have to get on with things.

“It taught me so many things. I stopped counselling pretty much a year later. We went from a session every week, to a session every couple of weeks.

“You start making baby steps and I got to a point where it wasn’t a whole session of talking about sad and angry emotions. There was a lot more positivity when I came into the sessions and also when I left. I knew then that I didn’t need counselling. But you’re never thrown out of counselling; you’re told that you can pick up the phone at any time.”